"Lay aside your history, your research into the past, and try to get in step with our rhythm. In a society such as ours, industrialized to the extreme, dominated by science, there is no longer room for your sensitivity. You have to be tough to be able to live. It is no longer enough to play ball with the world; you have to master it with integrals and atoms. Of course, they will tell me, from time to time when we are tired of all that concrete, we will turn to you as our children, our naive, ingenuous, and spontaneous children. We will turn to you as the childhood of the world. You are so authentic in your life, so playful. Let us forget for a few moments our formal, polite civilization and bend down over those heads, those adorable expressive faces. In a sense, you reconcile us with ourselves."

A white man speaks to Franz Fanon, from "Black Skin, White Masks." (pp. 111)

Where I'm coming from and where I'm going

We were recently asked to think about where we came from, where we are, and we want to go.

Such a question is hard, it's one's existence, in words. Here's the quite pathetic try I gave it.

Where I've Come From

I've been a child, caught in imagining reality the way I wanted it to be. I've been obsessed with proving myself on the soccer field, on the basketball court. I've found joy in playfulness, lightheartedness, and fantasy. I've played video games about forests, fairies, imaginary worlds, horses and magic. Loved Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z. I've caught a boat from home to school everyday. Lived in a hotel that's built upon a mountain on a lake surrounded by three volcanoes and thirteen Mayan towns. I've been angry at my parents for fighting. I've fought my brother a lot. I've focused on girls, wondered what to do do make them like me, getting nervous in front of them, putting up fronts for them. I've focused on being wanted by friends and teachers.

Where I'm Going

I want to be in control of my state of mind. I want to have a network of people I've met throughout my time who I respect and who respect me back. They will form an integral part of the projects (which we design together) that will take up my time and energy. What motivates my work is empathy, curiosity towards the question of what it means to be human, and the unfolding discovery of the variables that form the way communities of people live, how they think and what gives their life meaning.

Apart from what I do and think, I want to get joy from relating with a beautiful woman I call my partner. If I have kids with her, I want to be in love with them, admiring their every independent creation and action and guiding them with the ideas and world view I've gathered in my years. I want to have a home in a place that's surrounded by nature, where I have the comforts, toys and tools that go along with what I spend my time on. A large collection of books, music, photographs, pieces of art that I've acquired and kept meaning throughout phases of my life.

"It's such a shame today. Nobody just does. Sometimes you just gotta get up and do things."

Spring semester 2010

Back in school for the spring semester. It never gets any less strage to hop on a plane and fly passed my volcano backbone and everything I call Guatemala and land in some NY airport to catch the tunnels to home dorm. But I'm here, the routine is piling on, I know where and more or less which classes to go to, and I'm really looking forward to this semester. Some latin american economic history, some contemporary civilization, some cultures of accusation, a bit of beginners fiction, ethnobotany and a photo seminar. Boy I've been uninspired to write down my thoughts. I've lost (hopefully temporarily) the ability to put thought I live in the everyday down on paper and feel happy about it. Hopefully this writing class will help.
So for now I take up my time with readings once more, looking for summer research funding and internships, hanging out with Zehra, and occasionally going to a talk, club meeting or city event.